remembering may be worse than forgetting, remembering the sleepless nights and the subtleties in your words. i was always brash and unyieldingly honest about how much i liked you. i remember being guiltily apologetic for the way i would talk to you, desperately craving the embarrassment that should have accompanied my horribly flirtatious behavior. this was a time when you were calm and put on a relaxed front even when a storm was brewing in your body and mind. i never knew what you were thinking, i loved the puzzle. you never lost the mystery, but i stopped feeling like a detective once you finally caved. and now years have passed, everything is different, my feelings have slooooowly dissipated, but it aches to remember the way things once were. parts of you are never leaving my heart, no matter how much time slips through my fingers. if it takes more to forget, i will do it. i will crawl away on hands that are burnt from bad dreams and never look back.

i am trying, i am trying to forget.